Roman Krznaric on Empathy

There is a revolution happening in the playgrounds of West London. My five-year-old niece recently saw a girl bullying one of her classmates. The teacher intervened and made the bully put on her victim’s pair of shoes, so she would understand what it was like to be the other person. This curious punishment was a literal rendering of the Native American saying, ‘Walk a mile in another man’s moccasins before you criticise him’. It was also an instance of creating empathy – the art of stepping into the shoes of other people and seeing the world from their perspective.

 

The power of empathy has been recognised for centuries, at least since theatre audiences in Ancient Greece wept at the tragic suffering of the heroes on stage. What’s new is that in the last decade it has gained international prominence. Barack Obama has declared ‘the empathy deficit’ to be a scourge of modern society, while evolutionary biologists have shown that empathy is a natural trait not only in humans, but also in apes, dolphins and elephants. It is now old-fashioned to believe that we are primarily driven by individual self-interest: empathy has balanced the motivational picture.

 

Don’t confuse empathy with the Golden Rule, ‘Do unto others as you would have them do unto you’. This worthy adage involves considering how you – with your own views – would wish to be treated. Empathy is harder: it requires imagining others’ views and acting accordingly. George Bernard Shaw understood the distinction when he quipped, ‘Do not do unto others as you would have them do unto you – they may have different tastes’.

 

Why does empathy matter for the art of living? Looking through the eyes of your jealous lover can help repair a broken relationship. A dose of empathising can resolve bitter family feuds – have you really tried to appreciate why your mother is so angry? And having conversations with strangers – from homeless wanderers to jaded bankers – can raise tough questions about your own values and ambitions.

 

So it’s time to imagine yourself in my niece’s schoolyard: whose shoes do you really need to step into?

 

Roman Krznaric will be teaching one of our evening classes on How To Have Better Conversations on Thursday 8 April. For more details please click here.