Love lifts us up where we belong. Does it?
"I know you get asked to do this a lot, but will you do a reading at our wedding?"
My friend was right. I'm popular on the wedding reading circuit. I'm at that 'Four Weddings' age, where summers are swallowed up by a frenzied wedding relay. It should be an Olympic sport. I'm not complaining - it's an honour, and one I take seriously. But with many readings in the last couple of years, I've learnt a thing or two about how to make them feel extra special.
1. Make people laugh.
It's a happy day, but you might not know it at first. There's legal stuff to do, and lots of strange formality. Someone I know described the people who officiate at weddings – whether they're a vicar or a registrar – as 'slightly upbeat undertakers'. There are always nervous smiles from the bride, groom and guests alike.
So find something, however small, that'll break the formal wedding hush. It could be a pause in the right place. Just smiling and saying hello when you stand up. Or try reading a funny poem:
'I rely on you...like a laundromat needs driers
Like The Good Life needed Richard Briers.'
('I rely on you' by Hovis Presley)
2. Keep your reading grounded.
Yes, love is patient, kind, superduper and all the rest of it. And if you've found it, good on you. But lots of wedding readings go off into flights of fancy, that don't seem linked to the people who are actually getting married.
Children's stories are a good way to get away from the usual lovey-doveyness (Dr Seuss always goes down well). Spoken-word poets who use more everyday words work well too:
'I believe in dog, the rather all bitey.'
('Promises' by John Hegley)
As do poems with simple metaphors:
'Never fear. We may let the scaffolds fall
Confident that we have built our wall.'
('Scaffolding' by Seamus Heaney)
3. Personalise it.
Whatever you read, make it 'fit' the bride and groom.
That might mean trying to get away from poems that pop up all over the place. Readings that have been in a Richard Curtis film are usually a no-no. ee cummings' 'i carry your heart with me' is a brilliant poem (if a bit hard to read), but it's really popular, which makes it harder for your reading to feel personal.
So if the bride and groom make you laugh, make them laugh. If they like romantic poems, read a romantic poem. If they can't stand public displays of affection, pick something more down-to-earth. Then use a bit of artistic licence. Rewrite a few lines to mention where the bride and groom live, what they do for a living, their quirks...it'll make people smile. (And, if you're lucky, clap.)
When my friend asked me to pick the reading for her wedding, here's what I replied:
I can't tell you how hard it has been to find wedding readings that a) aren't soppy and would make you puke, and b) are actually interesting to listen to. I was also trying to find a reading that sort of fitted with me reading it (ie not too fancy) and that you two would like. I want it to be happy without being worthy and preachy and bleurgh.
I chose Morecambe and Wise's theme tune, 'Bring Me Sunshine'. I stopped short of singing it, but I changed the words in each verse to be about the bride and groom. 'Bring me sunshine for QPR/Bring me rainbows from afar.' And so on.
It worked. People smiled. People clapped. Suddenly, it was a happy day. The solemn wedding feeling disappeared. So much so that the vicar got in a bit of a fluster and said 'no one told me I had to follow that', as he reached for his Bible. Most of all, it fitted who I was reading it for, my lovely funny sunny friends. And that's the most important thing.
That's it. You're welcome, William, you're welcome Kate. Any time.
Molly Mackey co-runs We All Need Words and the School of Life's 'Words for Life' class. If these jobs dry up she'll become a full-time wedding reader.
Hi Molly! We are getting married in a week and just received the school of life email update, and your post, still no idea what we will do have but great advice!
Posted by: Bonnie | April 07, 2011 at 11:50 PM